"A Sometimes Bitter But Hopeful MDiv Student"

"In this country we believe in God (aka Christianity)! Sometimes I just wish that those who don't believe in my God would just return to where they came from!"
-Pastor in rural Florida

"Used to people used to take homosexuals out in the street and kill them. I'm not to sure that is such a bad idea."
-Pastor in rural Alabama

Did you have the same reaction that I did?
Mine was of anger, hysterics due to the ignorance, sadness, and a disbelief that people who say these things actually exist. Unfortunately these people speak "in the name of God" which leads to another group of reactions. As you can imagine, my decision to attend Divinity School (also referred to as Seminary) produces reactions from others on many various levels.

The Extremely Conservative Christian

They say: Wow, that's exciting! So God has called you into the ministry?!?

They are thinking: Observing that you are a female, I guess a master's degree is a legitimate goal, but it might go to waste once you start a family. Besides that, your husband should be your priority and seeing that he is getting his MDiv too, you might want to put your goals off to the side, especially if he is offered a pastorate position. In the meantime you might be able to be a Children's Minister or Minister of Christian Education.

Typical Southern Baptist Supporter

They say: So where are you going to school?

I respond: Candler School of Theology at Emory University

They say: I don't think that is a Baptist school, is it?

I then respond, feeling that their excitement is dwindling and the conversation is slowly going downhill: You are correct, it is not Baptist. It is affiliated with the United Methodist Church.

They think and then they say: Well, be careful. Don't let them make a liberal out of you!

Purely Academic Biblical Scholars

They say: Well, I guess that's a good school.

They are thinking: Why ministry? It is such a waste of time. The church has way too much politics. If they only knew the current findings in biblical scholarship they wouldn't waste so much time arguing ethics based on a book that was used in a very different time, for a very different culture, that references entirely different religions.

The Average Joe

They ask: So what do you hope to do with your degree? What kind of things will you study?

I respond without much careful thought: Well, the degree is supposed to prepare you for ministry in a church. Some people decide to work in non-profit organizations, but we primarily study the Bible, Christianity, History, Various Theologians, and Doctrines.

They immediately look uncomfortable and think: I hope that I haven't said anything offensive around her. You know, I had to have said a curse word or two around her. I need to somehow make her think than I am completely comfortable with the fact that she is religious.

These are just a couple of examples of typical conversations that I have had with people and all of them end with both of us feeling uncomfortable. Their image of me changes instantly.

One time while in my undergraduate program as a business student, I decided to take a business ethics class. I thought that it would be incredibly interesting, plus it was being taught by the dean of the business school. After our first assignment, I felt the extreme urge to call him and leave a voice mail about a chapter we had been assigned to read. It was about corporations and how they are unfair they are to their workers but how they cater to their shareholders. It got me thinking about the public university system and how they seem to care more about their reputation and their research more than serving their undergraduate students. (I had experienced this frustration when I attempted to register for classes around my work schedule and was told that only two sections of the class would be offered that term because all the other professors were completing their research.) My voice mail basically requested a meeting where I could speak my mind to someone who appeared to have influence over the situation. Unfortunately the meeting didn't go anywhere. Using his"suave" began to show interest in my background and goals for the future. I ended up telling him about my acceptance into the divinity program and as I have already illustrated, the labels began to stick on my forehead and I instantly knew I could not have any form of an intelligent conversation with him. Then one day in class we were discussing a heated topic on poverty and young mothers when my professor looks directly at me and says, "Melissa, what do you think? You love Jesus, don't you?!" My classmates all looked at me and I could feel the blood rushing to my face. I thought, "WHAT IN THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CONVERSATION!"

I have decided to accept that life will never be the same for me, especially after I receive my degree. I have been categorized with "the greats" but also the assholes of the Christian faith. My problem is that it is not seen as a personal journey, or a quest for knowledge and enrichment. It is not commendable by the general public because it will not increase my salary and it is not seen as a personal asset that will contribute to the common good. The public instantly associates me with the idiots that I quoted at the beginning of this blog. I am unapproachable, a threat, and unrealistic.

So where does that lead me? At times I find myself trouble-shooting the best way to prevent controversy or discomfort. Which I then begin to "flower it up" (based on who I am talking to) and I become phony ... I hate that!