"I Can Admit It ... I'm Overwhelmed"
It is only the second week and I can feel my head swimming. It isn't much different than my personal decision to read Paul Tillich's "The Dynamics of Faith" for fun! It turned into a thought-provoking examination of the intangible and unexplainable. It would ask questions like, 'What is faith? What creates faith? What must you have to have faith? Where does faith originate? How can everyone who say they believe in the same God, believe so differently?' These types of questions are not answered by Webster's dictionary, and you can not count on finding the same answer from two "experts on faith".
Similar to with that book, my mind is swimming with questions and thoughts that are too much to take.
I just had a very fruitful conversation with a fellow student about the desire to just sit in front of the television and think about nothing. I just want to watch a sitcom that deals with life, but not "real life". I don't want any of that reality TV ... even if people really believe that it is reality.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
How much is too much to give?
As I am sure that all of you have experienced the shock that I have as I watch the news and see the footage of the devastation in Louisiana and Mississippi. From amazement that US citizens have lived in sewage for the past week, to sadness of human and material losses, to anger at the responses from the government and fellow US citizens.
My sensitivity to the situation has been increased mostly because I went through orientation last week for theology school. We would discuss events, hear speakers and theologians from all over the world, and I would go home and watch the news with different eyes. I found myself in tears several times as I watched people look into the camera and cry for help. I thought about the suffering and pain, and the feeling that I must do something. Our school had come together, and many organizations have, to collect supplies and money to be sent to the victims and communities that have been so devastated. When I think about it I am overwelmed with feelings of sadness and frustrated with the situation.
I was overcome by a comment made to me, thus this blog.
A person very dear to my heart, frustrated with his appointment to work in the devastated area, said, "Yeah, all those people are really suffering!" (with sarcasm!) "It won't be long, and they will have their checks, and $250,000 homes." Normally, I would have responded to such an idiotic statement, but I was in such shock, that I just sat there. After I overcame the initial shock, I said as loud as I could, "I DO NOT LIKE THE DIRECTION THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING!" My blood began to boil and I felt as if I were going to burst. Words could not describe the feelings that were inside me, and I could not seem to begin to explain how stupid, ignorant, selfish, and abousolutely rediculous that statement was.
The more I began to think on it, the more bothered I became with the statement.
His statement did not come out of anger for the suffering people, but his own understanding of what those people deserved after losing everything. It seemed to him, that getting water, clothing, medicine, and other basic necessities were enough for people who had lost everything. He believed that now that they had lost everything, they must take responsibility for themselves to recover, and God forbid that they come out of the situation with more that he has ever had.
I think that we as a society have a limit on what we are willing to give, and what is more, what people deserve. We become angry when a 40 year old person who has lived of his parents his whole life, is unemployed, drinks, and is lazy wins a lottery ticket for $1 million. Or the person who brutally rapes and kills a young woman, and is sentenced to jail for life, but is able to have his own cell, a color TV, 3 meals a day, and an accessible fitness center for his own enjoyment. Or in this case, a young African-American family who lives off of welfare checks, scrapes by day-to-day, is "stupid" enough not to evacuate the oncoming storm, and who yells in front of the New Orleans convention center for food, water, and transportation out of their hell. The fear is that family will be cut a check by the Red Cross or our government, that will meet their needs, but exceed the amount to which we believe they are deserving of.
I am perplexed by this idea.
I have to admit, that my heart hurts for these people, but know that I would be a tiny bit bothered if those families became the wealthiest people in our nation. That really bothers me that I feel that way. The issue is not whether that will actually happen, because at this point I am really more concerned with getting these people to a safe place, but it did raise questions to me about the extent of my generosity.
This blog is for me to raise questions that I know sometimes do not have answers. It also gives me a place to admit that I am not perfect, and not too far from other people in this world.
I am bothered that I have a limit on my generosity. I am bothered that I would even think in those terms.
As a Christian theology student, I am constantly provoked with the teachings of Jesus. How did he approach the poor? How much was he willing to give? Many of the conservative Christian evangelists would be quick to say, "Well, he DID give is LIFE!" So does that mean that I must be willing to give mine for those who suffer in Lousiana and Mississippi? I know that is a bit extreme, but we all have our limits!
As I am sure that all of you have experienced the shock that I have as I watch the news and see the footage of the devastation in Louisiana and Mississippi. From amazement that US citizens have lived in sewage for the past week, to sadness of human and material losses, to anger at the responses from the government and fellow US citizens.
My sensitivity to the situation has been increased mostly because I went through orientation last week for theology school. We would discuss events, hear speakers and theologians from all over the world, and I would go home and watch the news with different eyes. I found myself in tears several times as I watched people look into the camera and cry for help. I thought about the suffering and pain, and the feeling that I must do something. Our school had come together, and many organizations have, to collect supplies and money to be sent to the victims and communities that have been so devastated. When I think about it I am overwelmed with feelings of sadness and frustrated with the situation.
I was overcome by a comment made to me, thus this blog.
A person very dear to my heart, frustrated with his appointment to work in the devastated area, said, "Yeah, all those people are really suffering!" (with sarcasm!) "It won't be long, and they will have their checks, and $250,000 homes." Normally, I would have responded to such an idiotic statement, but I was in such shock, that I just sat there. After I overcame the initial shock, I said as loud as I could, "I DO NOT LIKE THE DIRECTION THIS CONVERSATION IS GOING!" My blood began to boil and I felt as if I were going to burst. Words could not describe the feelings that were inside me, and I could not seem to begin to explain how stupid, ignorant, selfish, and abousolutely rediculous that statement was.
The more I began to think on it, the more bothered I became with the statement.
His statement did not come out of anger for the suffering people, but his own understanding of what those people deserved after losing everything. It seemed to him, that getting water, clothing, medicine, and other basic necessities were enough for people who had lost everything. He believed that now that they had lost everything, they must take responsibility for themselves to recover, and God forbid that they come out of the situation with more that he has ever had.
I think that we as a society have a limit on what we are willing to give, and what is more, what people deserve. We become angry when a 40 year old person who has lived of his parents his whole life, is unemployed, drinks, and is lazy wins a lottery ticket for $1 million. Or the person who brutally rapes and kills a young woman, and is sentenced to jail for life, but is able to have his own cell, a color TV, 3 meals a day, and an accessible fitness center for his own enjoyment. Or in this case, a young African-American family who lives off of welfare checks, scrapes by day-to-day, is "stupid" enough not to evacuate the oncoming storm, and who yells in front of the New Orleans convention center for food, water, and transportation out of their hell. The fear is that family will be cut a check by the Red Cross or our government, that will meet their needs, but exceed the amount to which we believe they are deserving of.
I am perplexed by this idea.
I have to admit, that my heart hurts for these people, but know that I would be a tiny bit bothered if those families became the wealthiest people in our nation. That really bothers me that I feel that way. The issue is not whether that will actually happen, because at this point I am really more concerned with getting these people to a safe place, but it did raise questions to me about the extent of my generosity.
This blog is for me to raise questions that I know sometimes do not have answers. It also gives me a place to admit that I am not perfect, and not too far from other people in this world.
I am bothered that I have a limit on my generosity. I am bothered that I would even think in those terms.
As a Christian theology student, I am constantly provoked with the teachings of Jesus. How did he approach the poor? How much was he willing to give? Many of the conservative Christian evangelists would be quick to say, "Well, he DID give is LIFE!" So does that mean that I must be willing to give mine for those who suffer in Lousiana and Mississippi? I know that is a bit extreme, but we all have our limits!
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